There are two phases of self-perception where most souls pitch their tent and live out their entire lives, never knowing there is a Promised Land beyond.
I call them prisons, because that is what they are. They have no bars you can see, but they hold you just the same.
Phase One: How We Think Others View Us
This is where the world lives.
To the uninitiated, to those yet asleep in the amnesia of the material world, to those who have not yet eyes to see, this first perception is not a phase at all. It is reality. "Who am I?" is answered entirely by, "What do they think of me?"
It begins in childhood. Did mother smile? Did father approve? Were we picked first or picked last? And it never ends, it only changes its costume. In our time the costume is a screen. Likes, comments, followers, the careful curation of an image we hope will be loved.
This is a terrible way to live. Because the audience is fickle. Today they praise you, tomorrow they forget you. If your identity is their perception, you will die a thousand deaths.
As it is written: "For the L-rd seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the L-rd looketh on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7
And the L-rd Jesus said: "Woe unto you... for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess." - Matthew 23:25
The first mirror can never satisfy you, because it was never meant to define you.
Phase Two: Our Inner Perception of Ourselves
By grace, or by great pain, some do break free from the first prison. They say, "I will no longer live for their opinion. I will define myself."
This sounds like freedom. It is progress. But it is still a prison, only with a more private jailer.
For he who has not discovered the wisdom and joy of the teachings of Jesus, the REAL teachings, this inner perception is most often insecure at its root.
And because the perception is insecure, we attempt to compensate outwardly to conceal the insecurity from ourselves among the shadows.
This might be expressed as either extremely bold or flamboyant behavior. We drive a desired car, dress to impress, drape ourselves in ornaments... jewelry, makeup, titles, degrees, spiritual accomplishments, anything which in our perception brings forward a positive projection of ourselves outwardly.
We easily become the character fulltime, ignoring the true Source of Being, of our Spirit, the Soul hidden within the Bridal Chamber.
We decorate the tomb and forget the treasure inside it.
Scripture speaks directly to this second mask:
"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible." - 1 Peter 3:3-4
"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." - Matthew 6:28-29
We try to array ourselves like Solomon, when we were already created as lilies.
And this is why the Master gave us the Logia, the secret sayings for those with ears to hear:
Logion 70: "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
That insecurity you hide with gold and noise will destroy you if you do not bring forth what is truly within you.
Logion 84: "When you see your likeness, you rejoice. But when you see your images which came into being before you, and which neither die nor become manifest, how much you will have to bear!"
Your likeness is the costume, the car, the makeup, the character. Your image is the Soul, begotten before you were born, that does not die.
Logion 3: "If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the Kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the Kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father."
Logion 29: "If the flesh came into being because of spirit, it is a wonder. But if spirit came into being because of the body, it is a wonder of wonders. Indeed, I am amazed at how this great wealth has made its home in this poverty."
You are the great wealth making its home in this poverty.
Most stop at Phase Two. They have traded the opinion of others for an improved opinion of themselves. It is more comfortable, but it is still exile.
Beyond The Two Mirrors: How to Enter and Shut the Door
There is a third place. It is not a perception at all. It is a Return. It is the Bridal Chamber.
Jesus did not just preach about it. He gave us the practice for entering.
He said, "Enter into thy closet." In the Greek, tameion. An inner storage room. A secret room. A place with no windows.
"But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." - Matthew 6:6
Your closet is the Bridal Chamber. Here is how you shut the doors.
1. Shut the Door on the First Mirror - The World.
You must make a conscious severance. For a moment each day, withdraw your permission for the world to define you. Sit. Before you speak a single word to the L-rd, become still. Let the faces fall away.
"Be still, and know that I am G-d." - Psalm 46:10
Logion 27: "If you do not fast as regards the world, you will not find the Kingdom."
Fasting from the world does not mean you hate the world. It means for this sacred moment, you do not eat from its table. You fast from the first mirror.
2. Shut the Door on the Second Mirror - Yourself.
This is the harder door. Even in our prayer, we perform. We tell the L-rd who we think we are.
You must lay down even your idea of yourself. Your boldness, your flamboyance, your holy ornaments, your shame. All of it is left outside the door.
Logion 37: His disciples said, "When will you become revealed to us and when shall we see you?" Jesus said, "When you disrobe without being ashamed and take up your garments and place them under your feet like little children and tread on them, then will you see the son of the Living One, and you will not be afraid."
This is the mystical stripping. You take your garments - your identity, your history, your achievements - and you place them under your feet. You do not destroy them. You simply no longer wear them.
"For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in G-d." - Colossians 3:3
3. Wait in the Darkness of the Womb.
This is where most modern teaching fails. We shut the doors and then demand an experience. But the Bridal Chamber is at first dark. It is the darkness of the womb before birth. Do not chase. Do not grab. Just be there.
The breath itself is prayer. In Hebrew, Ruach - spirit, breath, wind - are one word.
Logion 75: "Many are standing at the door, but it is the solitary who will enter the bridal chamber."
Solitary here means monachos - unified one. One who is no longer divided between two mirrors. One who is single-eyed.
"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." - Matthew 6:22
Logion 2: "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All."
First you will be troubled, because all your ornaments are on the floor. Who are you without them?
Then you will be astonished, because you are still here. More here than ever. Alive. Forgiven. Whole.
You do not need to impress. You need to enter.
Five minutes. Two doors shut. One eye single.
He who sees in secret is already seeing you.
And that, beloved, is enough.
Pastor Mark